Radiation

Radiation is about half way over. I am felling tired today. It seems wierd to be having a hard time when radiation is so much better than chemo. But it is everyday and I am tired. I am really glad to have the support group and my Mary Kay business to keep me distracted. My brain is swirling and it almost feels like I can't hold onto a thought. I fact I have meant to write this blog for well over a week. Better late than never. My hair is growing back, slowly. Too bad my leg and armpit hair is also. I am trying to focus on June 2nd. I think I can party then.

Lost hair

I am done with chemo, yay!!! Now I have almost no hair. It was not quite the freeing feeling I thought it would be. Everyday I check to see if there is new hairs poking through, so far only my leg hair is returning. Darn. I am feeling very brave to put my uncovered head picture on here, but I want to be able to look back and see it progressively come back. Katie and I have had great success with creating our support group. I also started my Mary Kay business. The sun is out and helping me forget the chemo days. Tomorrow is a PET scan, then a week until I find out when I start radiation. Bluhhhhh.

Round 4

I felt like a pin cushion this last round, with a total of 4 Iv attempts. I guess that kind of goes with it being the beginning of round 4. The doctor warned me that these last two chemo appointments will be the worst. I will try to keep a brave face on but I may have to just cry sometimes. I hope someday that there will be a better way to cure cancer, or hopefully prevent it.

Getting through it.

I am 6 down 2 to go. Not really able to imagine radiation, so I won't. I feel sick but mentally alive. I am going to write a book. It will keep me busy and motivated. It feels like I have been stuck inside, only able to look out through a rain covered window. I am really looking forward to the summer sun and trips to watery destinations. Cooper has been a wonderful distraction. He sees any break in the clouds and wants to go outside to ride his bike. I am trying to take his cue and look for every opportunity to enjoy life.

So I am now loosing my hair. I guess I should be glad it stayed so long. It is very wierd. My skin feels sort of numb. There are these moments where I realize how serious cancer is, and how can I have it? I also think of the other people who have gone though it, are going through it, and people who will. I am going to be as strong as I can, but loosing my hair is going to be really hard.

Ups and downs

Today I am finally feeling a little better. I felt really tired and yucky the past couple of days. Today I have a little energy and can think more clearly. I am thinking about summer and what it will be like to not have chemo looming over me. I have been eating well thanks to great food from everyone and thankfully not being very nauseous. Mostly my mouth will hurt, but it has been fine today. I have this Norman Rockwell calendar by my computer and this month is "missing the dance". It shows a girl sick in bed and she is looking at a flyer for a dance that she is obviously missing. I kinda feel like that.

Good Day

I feel strong and motivated to kick this cancer's ***. It makes me so happy to have the friends in my life that I do. There has never been a time in my life where I really know, I am not alone. I am forever changed, my views on helping others and my community has changed. Cancer is bad, but where it is taking me is unexpectedly good. I am inspired to learn more about nutrition and cancer and use that knowlege to help others and possibly point me toward a career in a nutrition oriented field.
Thanks friends

gearing up

Troy just helped me realize each chemo cycle is 2 visits. So all this time I thought I was going to be done in 2 months, now I know it will be 4, plus radiation. I am feeling pretty good, a little grouchier now. I am so grateful for all the food from family and friends. I've had little response to my craigslist ad for a support group. Time to try a new avenue. Hmph. I need a hobby.

Urg

I have been feeling very tired and sad the last couple of days. I think I am overwhelmed with just having to deal with this. I know I try and be positive and strong, but I am mad that I have this cancer. I hate not being physically strong and just be able to do whatever I need to do. I was so tired yesterday during Apple's birthday and it was frustrating. I want to dance and play with her. Go places and not worry about sicknesses. I really appreciate talking to other cancer fighters and survivors because I feel really alone. I am going to try and make a support network in the Eugene area (and nearby, if someone wants to join). So, if anyone out there knows someone whith cancer, especially women in there twenties and thirties, pass on my email address.

3 days after

I am tired of dealing with this. I am wondering if I feel sick or am I anticipating feeling sick. I  take medicine to not be sick and it makes me tired. Worst of all the itching is unbearable. I never appreciated not itching until it became my life for more than  a year now. . . It is nice whan I can just play with the kids or talk with friends and get my mind off of things.

Having courage means having fear, but not letting it stop you.

Today I am courageous. I had to hear all the scary things I am going to be doing, and not run away. (my first instinct). I did all the tests and took all the poisonous medicine with a fairly good attitude. I am courageous.