Ups and downs

Today I am finally feeling a little better. I felt really tired and yucky the past couple of days. Today I have a little energy and can think more clearly. I am thinking about summer and what it will be like to not have chemo looming over me. I have been eating well thanks to great food from everyone and thankfully not being very nauseous. Mostly my mouth will hurt, but it has been fine today. I have this Norman Rockwell calendar by my computer and this month is "missing the dance". It shows a girl sick in bed and she is looking at a flyer for a dance that she is obviously missing. I kinda feel like that.

Good Day

I feel strong and motivated to kick this cancer's ***. It makes me so happy to have the friends in my life that I do. There has never been a time in my life where I really know, I am not alone. I am forever changed, my views on helping others and my community has changed. Cancer is bad, but where it is taking me is unexpectedly good. I am inspired to learn more about nutrition and cancer and use that knowlege to help others and possibly point me toward a career in a nutrition oriented field.
Thanks friends

gearing up

Troy just helped me realize each chemo cycle is 2 visits. So all this time I thought I was going to be done in 2 months, now I know it will be 4, plus radiation. I am feeling pretty good, a little grouchier now. I am so grateful for all the food from family and friends. I've had little response to my craigslist ad for a support group. Time to try a new avenue. Hmph. I need a hobby.

Urg

I have been feeling very tired and sad the last couple of days. I think I am overwhelmed with just having to deal with this. I know I try and be positive and strong, but I am mad that I have this cancer. I hate not being physically strong and just be able to do whatever I need to do. I was so tired yesterday during Apple's birthday and it was frustrating. I want to dance and play with her. Go places and not worry about sicknesses. I really appreciate talking to other cancer fighters and survivors because I feel really alone. I am going to try and make a support network in the Eugene area (and nearby, if someone wants to join). So, if anyone out there knows someone whith cancer, especially women in there twenties and thirties, pass on my email address.

3 days after

I am tired of dealing with this. I am wondering if I feel sick or am I anticipating feeling sick. I  take medicine to not be sick and it makes me tired. Worst of all the itching is unbearable. I never appreciated not itching until it became my life for more than  a year now. . . It is nice whan I can just play with the kids or talk with friends and get my mind off of things.

Having courage means having fear, but not letting it stop you.

Today I am courageous. I had to hear all the scary things I am going to be doing, and not run away. (my first instinct). I did all the tests and took all the poisonous medicine with a fairly good attitude. I am courageous.